These Phrases given by A Father Which Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk between men, who still internalise negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."